August 13, 2013

Step by step

I'm sorry that I've been lazily posting by phone.
My blogger iPhone app is broken so I
can't post pictures.  I do have some beautiful pictures that I'll tap into soon.

Oh how I've missed this summer.
I've missed berries and garden tomatoes.  I've missed mothering and planning fun field trips.  I love being a mother.

My kids haven't missed out.  Fun grandmas and friends have filled their lives with summer fun, and I've missed it.

I'm so weak.  I try to walk up my drive way everyday.  I'm trying to eat more and figure out my sick bowels.

I'm half a mother and my soul is aching for normal.  Yesterday, I changed ben's poopy diaper for the first time.  He is two months old!  

Todd is spending a few days at scout camp.  It is so good for him and so hard for me.  He is my safety net.  I miss him desperately if he isn't with me.  

Last night I was so sick.  I kept throwing up, which makes me pee my pants, and I had a little guy that wanted to eat.  It was awful- I kept hoping todd would just magically show up and rescue me.  He didn't and somehow I made it through the night.  

I used to be so capable.  Sigh.

So much is happening these next few weeks.  We are moving and my kids are starting school.  I really want to take them school clothes shopping.  I love back packs full of school supplies.  

I saw two, beautiful horses for sale on Craig's List and couldn't help but imagine how beautiful they would look in our fields.  Todd laughed at me when I told him.

I feel like I'm on the brink of normal... It's coming back slowly but surely.
I'm so grateful for the years of fun summers I've already had.  Someday this summer will fade into the past... It's been a doozie.  

A friend was talking to me yesterday about how she needed me time.  She said her whole life was mommy time.  I laughed.  I'm so sick of me time-- all I want is to be a mom again.  I love my normal life...

Life is so good.
I need a nap. :)


Marie said...

Oh, Jen... I am just sad you feel so peuny. Maybe don't think about how much you have missed this summer... Rather, think about how far you have come. Truth is, you could have very easily missed out on summers for good, at least, here on this earth! Your job THIS summer is to get well so you can REALLY whoop it up next summer in your new beautiful home in NY! Won't that be fun with that new horse? :)
You are doing great... Keep it up!
Besides, poopy diapers aren't all that they are cracked up to be sometimes... HA!

Anonymous said...

This is really random but it will be fun when the times comes to open to your blog and see a photo of your family of TEN up top :)

Rebekah said...

love that last comment--that will be fun to see!!
I'm working harder on appreciating my physical ability to do what I am--purging, deep cleaning, preparing for a nutty school year (don't start drooling in envy, jen). :) love you.

Melissa said...

I found your blog today. I have spent much of my day just reading over the things you've written. I love finding a new blog that inspires me as yours does! :)

A few similarities.... We are also LDS with 8 sweet kids. Our kids are the opposite of yours though- we have 5 boys and 3 girls. We even have two boys, Jacob and Drew, who are one year apart. :)

Thank you for your inspiring words. There are so many people benefitting from them!


Tiffany said...

Jen, Jen, Jen... I LOVE YOU!!! I love that in your yearning for "normal", you still manage to choose to look for the positive. Yay, you! :-)

Praying for you & your fam & the move!

Cheryl said...

Thank you for the paradigm shift you gave me this morning. In the midst of the monotony of cleaning, laundry and fighting kids I wanted to really run away. But I know the every day is what I would miss if I couldn't do it. Prayers for you that you get back to normal soon!

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