My home is my happily ever after- and I am happiest here.
(With or without infected kidneys.)
I smiled a few times as I straightened...
First- I found this lovely
This thing was stuck on the bottom of a chair leg. It felt like a gummy bear.
We don't even eat pickles.
This note, in a pile of papers Anna wanted to save, reminded me that sometimes I'm a good mom. Hopefully when I write they can re-read it over and over.
(Lily told me yesterday that I was her favorite mom. She said if dad ever leaves me and gets a new mom, she won't even do what the new mom says. Nice.)
Check out this growth curve!
And, I love little girl, patent leather church shoes. Darling.
Bored of my random iPhone pictures yet?
I loved this mom and kids shot from the Ensign. Doesn't it feel Norman Rockwell to you? (Hmmm. Even cuter upside down?)
One French, two plain piggy tail braids, and one top of the head, little girls braid.
I have five little girls!
I always dreamed of being a mom who sent my daughters to school in braids.
See- this here is my happily ever after.
I love it.
:: I posted this blog and then wondered if I was honest. I AM being honest. I don't tell you my crazy, whiny side because it doesn't help. And, I don't have time! Haha.
I didn't tell you that I vacuumed yesterday. Vacuuming makes me feel like all is good with the world! I vacuumed PINE NEEDLES leftover from my Christmas tree! I could have RAKED the crumbs off my kitchen floor.
My kids came home and played with those iron-on little circle beads and my floor was covered again in minutes. Haha- karma.
During dinner (Chinese food take-out) my side hurt so bad Todd wanted to take me to the ER. While I was laying on the couch he lectured to me that he didn't care a lick about the house and would I please STOP cleaning up.
Can I admit that to you without you lecturing me also?
Can I tell you my new doctor (just six months out of residency) called and told me that my urine sample (from Wednesday) did show infection but that (because it was now the weekend) she wouldn't know what antibiotic to prescribe until probably next Tuesday? And, could I please call my urologist to ask him what prescriptions they've used in the past?
I suggested SHE talk to my urologist (right?) and that (because I have a history of kidney issues, and because I'm in a lot of pain) she should call me in a prescription TODAY and change it on Tuesday if she needs to. Right?!
Did I tell you I birthed my seventh child naturally and I didn't complain?! Did I tell you that by the time they caught my first kidney infection it was septic? When I say I'm hurting- I AM hurting!
Stop telling me how good I look-- I didn't get in a plane crash!! My injuries are INTERNAL and I have eight kids- I am good at FAKING it. :)
Um, I really don't know how to treat a kidney infection because I'm not a doctor!!!
I'm a family science major for heaven's sake.
Good thing I didn't mop my floor yesterday, like I wanted to. Because this morning Jakob bumped into Ellie as she was sipping hot chocolate and she jumped- somehow spilling her hot chocolate all over Jakob and my now sticky floor. Sigh.
And just incase you are reading this and don't have children (or have some perfect vampire like children), I will tell you that my children DO help out around the house. A lot. My straight A, Eagle Scout, student of the month, oldest of 8, 14 year old, DID vacuum for me. On Wednesday. He just somehow MISSED a bunch. It's NOT the same.
Ellie "cleaned up" her spilled hot chocolate. Now, I have a sticky floor and a pile of chocolate towels. Helpful kids do not replace a mother. (Especially not when mom has been down for over a year.) There are things only a mom can do.
Today I need to go shopping. Todd doesn't want me to go without him. But, he is up to his eyeballs with work and I think I can do this. One store. Slowly. I'll be fine. I'm actually excited to get out of the house! I don't think I am making things worse (I'll have an infection with or without groceries). This is my life now and I need to live it the best I can.
Nope- I don't need lecture. I'm NOT overdoing it- I'm just surviving. Sometimes, in order to survive, you need to pick up your house and go grocery shopping even if you don't feel well.
I'm not "sick", I'm dealing with issues that won't go away in one week.
This is my life. Nobody gave me a manual on how to live this part. I'm doing the best I can. Maybe I'm doing it all wrong-- everyone has their own opinion. Ultimately- I need to choose.
Yesterday, I chose pain with a vacuumed floor and my clean laundry all folded. Even as my side ached, I felt good.
It is hard, frustrating, and sometimes painful- but it is a beautiful life. (Today I spent too long typing this blog while Ben naps and eve and I are taking a now cold bath. TMI? Eve just got out to go potty, she asked, "Mom, can I please pee in a cup?" Hahaha. This child has seen too many urology appointments.)
Thanks for listening to my rant.
In my opinion- We all need to smile at gummy pickles every now and then. And, clean laundry and a vacuumed floor have just as many healing qualities as resting in a messy house. (Just my ever so humble opinion.)