May 11, 2014

motherhood- no greater heartbreak

Photo: Thinking of so many ~ especially the A-T moms who have been forced to live without their children.
(I actually don't agree with this quote- it was posted on Facebook by a friend of mine whose son just died.  Yes, that heartbreak is real- but is it worse than sitting near your child as he suffers?  I hate ranking heartbreak.)

Why does mother's day hurt sometimes?
A good friend of mine spoke of her Mother's Day ache as she struggles with infertility.
(Women won't go to church Mother's Day)

The irony, in my opinion, is that those with the biggest mother souls often ache the most on Mother's Day.  Often, we feel that our ache somehow symbolizes that we are LESS of a mother, instead of holding our heartbreak up to the world as a symbol of our mothering.
It was God, not man, that first paired blood and pain with cleanliness and new birth.

Mothering is sacrifice paired with joy, and it is glorious and good.

Oh yes, mothering is an internal, eternal yearning.

Mothering is hoping, teaching, trying harder, and basking is the moments of today.

The Lawrence family without their beloved mother- here

This time last year, I was the mother of 7 and a half children, on hospital bedrest contemplating a delivery that I knew I could die from.
I read the story of Katrina Lawrence who DID die in childbirth, leaving a preemie baby and 5 children.
My heart ached.

Mother's Day hurts sometimes.
Mother's Day hurts if you are not a mother.
Mother's Day hurts if you are a mother, but wish you were a better mother.
Mother's Day hurts if you wish you had a better relationship with your mother.
Mother's Day hurts if your mother is dead.
Mother's Day hurts if your child is dead.
Mother's Day hurts if your kids don't call or your husband doesn't appreciate.
Mother's Day hurts if your children are making choices that hurt them and it hurts you.
Mother's Day hurts if you are single or divorced or married to an imperfect man.

I am one to wish away all the pain from mothers everywhere.
I hate the idea of hurting.
But, this past year I have learned something.
I have learned it in the core of my being.
Sometimes, pain is good.
Sometimes, pain is healing.
Pain means you FEEL and you are alive!

Sometimes, you hurt because you LOVE.
In an article called, The Healing Power of Grief, it says, " I have learned that grief is the price we pay for loving someone—and that the price is worth it."

Oh mothers, daughters, friends-
Celebrate today!!  Not because your Mother's Day is without guilt or striving or yearning or loss.
Celebrate today because you have a mother's soul.
You LOVE and you want to love better, more, fully.
Don't apologize or make excuses for the hurting part of Mother's Day, this hurting part makes us mothers!!

And, as soon as you embrace your mother soul that enables you to LOVE and ACHE all in the same breath-- then you will be able to understand this day.

From the MOMENT a child is conceived, motherhood is sacrifice and joy.
The gut-wrenching pukes juxtaposed with fluttering baby kicks.
Birth is a great metaphor of life.
Beautifully, death defyingly painful and joyous.

Life and death, right there hand in hand.
Joy with pain, pushing with the fear of transition.
As a mother is born, a childhood dies and a childhood is begun.
We are children who become women as we stretch and give life to one we love almost more than ourselves.

Yes!!  Yes!! There IS pain in this journey.
Pain is good.  Pain is real.  Pain is unavoidable and sacred.
Pain is a result of love and the only people who don't feel pain are psychologically incapable of feeling joy.

There is also JOY and HOPE!
As you learn to love, you learn you are loved.
As you hurt for them, you see how hurting makes us stronger.
Mothering is beautiful and fun and healing and good!

Today, I will embrace the gut-wrenching, soul-stretching, vulnerable ache of motherhood.
I will remember those sublime, priceless, irreplaceable joys of being a mom.
Today, I will cherish the dandelions and the roses.

Our mother souls ache because our mother souls LOVE and that love, that hope, that yearning is WORTH the pain.
I know it.
I'm humbly, eternally, grateful to be alive.
I feel so blessed to be a ridiculously imperfect, continually trying, mother.
Life is a beautiful gift.

Happy Mother's Day!
(This is what I wrote last year-- read it here.)

1 comment:

sandersclan said...

This was amazing! I wish it was mothers day all over again so that I could get up and read this in sacrament meeting!

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