May 31, 2014

What-e'er thou art

What e'er thou art, act well thy part.

These words echo strongly in my ears this morning.

I think it's funny that sometimes I look at my 20 children, 10 acres, professor husband, scarred tummy, silly puppy, etc., and I wonder what my life would be like with one or two children.
Sometimes, I just don't want to mother or clean.  I don't want to learn.  I look at others with their shiny lives and my life, in comparison, looks pb and j sticky.

I probably shouldn't still wonder if we made the "right" choices- to have a super-sized family, a super-sized education and a super-sized yard (with upcoming super-sized animals).  Ha!
When I yearn for old friends and comfortable relationships, I wonder if we were crazy to move across the country so often.  And, New York?!  How on earth did we end up here?

When Ben wakes up at 5:30 am, Todd sends me texts from his pre-breakfast fishing trip and I'm sending Facebook messages about sex after surgery to other Accreta patients-- I sometime wonder at my life.  Am I missing something?  I spend my money at Tractor Supply, not Crate and Barrel or Anthropology.  (In fact, I can't even remember ever going into either of these stores.)  

Often, I wish I didn't analyze and wonder quite so much.  Don't you think by the time you actually have eight children you should be pretty convinced that is the life you want?  Haha.

Of course.  Of course I love this super-sized life of mine.  I do.  Ben's spirit called to my soul for years-- if I didn't have him, I would have eternally missed him.  I feel joy here in my crazy, busy beautiful life.

I'm glad my blog is a just plain mommy blog.  Not a fashion blog or a house decorating blog or a craft blog or a photography blog or even a place for beautiful English prose.

Today- I am a mom.
My Saturday list is organize the playroom and garage (I know this is too hopeful), plant a garden and prepare our barn for calves.
This is what I am.
This is my part-- and, I'm happy when I act it well.

Summer is coming.
My kids get out of school late.
I'm excited and nervous to have them home all day.
I haven't developed a great summer plan, yet.  
I'll try to link to some past year ideas soon.
But- I know what I'm going to do this summer...

I'm going to ROCK my life.
I'm going to be Boss (as mine would say).
I'm going to love my yard, our pool, the animals we have.  I'm going to embrace my opportunity to weed, launder and straighten, bathe and play.
I'm going to anticipate trips to the library, days at the lake, and McD's soft serve ice cream cones.

My house will have flip flops and dirty socks scattered throughout it and fingerprints on every sliding glass door, and I'm going to be grateful for these.
At night, I'm going to read Anne of Green Gables and Charlotte's Web again, to my little ones-- because I get to.

I'm here.  This is my space and my part, and I'm going to perform it with my whole soul.
What e'er thou art, act well thy part.
Can I tell you how much I want to do this?
I want to be a performer who just performs my part without being self conscious of those who are watching.  
I want to be a mom who never, ever dreads the mothering part.
Perhaps this is possible.
But, maybe it isn't.
Maybe all of us yearn, every now and then, for a more glamorous life.
And maybe, those with glamour look at our simple lives and wish for a little more simplicity.

Today-- life is beautiful.
I love my life.
I love my family.
I'm about to morph into the best, most inspirational, Saturday-morning-jobs mother ever.  
Because- this is my part and it IS good.


Doreen Barker said...

Your life is full...of kids, to do's and love. Nothing is more important than those precious moments. Such a blessed lady...and I'm actually jealous. :)

Shannon said...

I love your blog so much. I love that you are real. No hiding feelings or thoughts. Last night when my 7th child, our 11 month old baby girl was screaming for two hours in the middle of the night, and I told my husband that we shouldn't have had another baby, I know it is just because I am very, very tired. She was supposed to be part of our family, she is adored by everyone around. She is an angel, just not at 2 am. I feel extremely overwhelmed and blessed with my life, but I wouldn't trade it for anything, just like you. Thank you for being real. It makes me feel better. :) You make me want to do better and be better. You are amazing!

ashley said...

Love you Miss Jen. Great post.

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