November 10, 2014

I love.

As a newlywed I wondered why God created men and women so differently.  I thought intimacy was a bit unfair.  I felt like men got the better, easier part of creation.  It didn't make sense to me.

I spent years trying to understand why God created us the way he did.  I pondered over intimacy, exhaustion, hormones, pregnancy...  The physical sacrifice a women makes to create another human is awe inspiring.  Why?!!

Oh, how I have learned.

The world LIES to us.

The world paints men as animals with selfish lusts and desires.  Women are seen as servants or objects being used for his pleasure

The idea that men are wanting intimacy and women "have a headache" is so prevalent.  The headache mother stands next to images of Beyoncé, Brittany Spears, or a twerking Miley Cirus.  

Oh women-- we are Queens, Priestesses, holy women and divine creators.  I see so many who try to imitate holy things.  But, the counterfeit is hollow and lacking.  No imitation can compare with the real thing.  

13 Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again: 
14 But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life. 
15 The woman saith unto him, Sir, give me this water, that I thirst not, neither come hither to draw. 
16 Jesus saith unto her, Go, call thy husband, and come hither. 
(New Testament, John, John 4)

I have learned that physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy is divine and holy.  Intimacy is MY gift, not my sacrifice.  How grateful I am for the hormones that inspire my husband to serve me, to be close to me, to want me, to need me.  Hormones that help me to express the stress or emotion that sometimes gets bottled up inside me.  

Not everyone has someone that wants them.  It is a beautiful thing to feel loved and wanted.  Women-- be SO grateful for a husband with passion.  Love him.

My emotional sensitivity has taught my husband to be aware and to be kind.  He is a better man because he has learned to listen, to encourage, and to soothe.  He has learned to love me as I have learned to love him.  We are still learning together-- there is no other imperfect man that I'd rather learn with.  Often tears come to my eyes as I think of how lucky I am to have this man beside me.

I believe that no matter who you have picked to be with for eternity, God can help you know and love them as He loves them.  Love transforms.  I believe healing, change, and growth is possible.  I believe that charity never faileth.  I have spent 17 years of marriage praying to love my man better-- my capacity to love has multiplied.

I feel honored that I know small ways to serve and love Todd.  He spends his whole life serving our family.  There are little things I can do to serve him back.  I love finding his things-- he likes a bit of chocolate in the freezer to snack on.  He feels peace when the table is set when he comes home from work.  He is happiest when I turn towards him instead of turning away.  He is romantic.  He loves to sneak affection throughout the day.  He is a words person and appreciates little texts or love notes.  I love loving that man.

I learned early on that the more we were intimate the less-cranky my husband was.  It is absolutely magical-- intimacy takes the snippiness away from our interactions.  It took me too long to realize, that the more often we were intimate the less-cranky I am.  I need him just as much as he needs me.  That knot of stress, worry, and intense emotion just melts away when we're completely united.  Amazing!!

The best thing I can do for the spirit of my home and family is GO TO BED and enjoy it.

Intimacy is a gift.

Intimacy heals my MIND.  If we are united physically, my hormones feel balanced, my emotions are leveled out, I am happy. 

Who wouldn't want this healing, uniting every single night?!  We need to make MORE time for each other.

I absolutely know and believe this.  And STILL I have to talk myself into intimacy most of the time.  I am SO dumb.

Sometimes, almost all the time, I don't feel like cuddling.  I push past those feelings because I love him.  And, I know my mood will change.  Intimacy doesn't take too long.  It's a perfect end to a long day, or a perfect start to a new day.  ;)  I choose to govern my actions and direct my passions instead of allowing my fickle, tired, hormonal body determine what I am or am not in the mood for.  There is power in choosing to love... and feelings follow actions.

I have in my mind an image of a husband and wife kissing as they reunite.  (Something like a soldier returning from war and his wife running to him and jumping into his arms.)  He is holding her, literally.  She has her arms wrapped around his head and her legs wrapped around his waist as they kiss.  I want my husband to feel that I love him like that.  I want him to feel cherished, missed, and adored.  I absolutely feel that Todd loves me like that.  His love and security is my greatest gift.

Aside from the holy covenants we have made to each other, there is NOTHING-- not one thing, that we have done for our marriage that has blessed us more than figuring out our intimate life.

He pulls us close physically, I pull us close emotionally.  Both are essential.  Both are gifts.  God designed us perfectly.

Intimacy changes as your life changes-- it is worth the effort!!

I believe that every single successful marriage is a result of time and effort in the bedroom.  As our relationship, our lives, and our bodies change, intimacy changes.  There are good times and not so good times.  
It has taken us effort to figure out intimacy.  Our life together has always been good, but honestly, I'm surprised at how much effort it takes to stay united.  It's a constant worldly current that pulls us apart and we have to push through the waves to be one.

We should fight for unity. It is hard, it takes TIME, it takes communication, it takes intense vulnerability.  Unity takes healing, learning, forgiving, and sometimes even therapy.  The effort we invest into our sexual relationship just makes our time together even more sacred.

Intimacy is the BEST, BEST hard thing we've figured out together.  Intimacy has been both a huge hurdle for us to overcome and it the greatest of all acts of healing.  Amazing.

I believe in marital intimacy.
I love it.
I know that sex within the bounds of marriage IS divine.
An intimate night at home is our best date night.
It is the most holy communion we can experience in this life.
Intimacy is so fun, so unifying, so energizing, so beautiful.

If you don't know this-- you haven't experienced it yet.
Keep working at it!! 

I do not believe that all intimacy is created equal.
Anyone can eat bread and water, but it takes authority and worthiness to create a sacramental experience.

Many, many people in the world experiment with the powers of procreation.  But very few feel the holy, sacramental bond that intimacy was designed to ignite.

Oh how Satan loves the bedroom.  Keep him out.  Do not let him come between you and your spouse.  Grab hold of your spouse and don't let anything come between you.  You can do this!  

Forgive again and again and LOVE that imperfect person.  
Be pure.  
Avoid pornography.  
Forgive yourself and let yourself be loved in your nakedness, chubbiness, scars, and wrinkles.  Love loving!!

I am amazed at all our human bodies are designed to experience.  For too many years, I thought men had it better.  I was SO wrong.  

Women, we are blessed.  Our bodies are amazing, holy tabernacles.  We create life!  We are beautiful and we give pleasure!  We are programmed to feel incredible joy.  Our emotions are great gifts that help us to love deeply.  And, we are created to love and be loved.

Pure marital intimacy is beautiful and holy.

My advice to fighting couples-- go to bed!!
I told you before, the stupidest advice we ever give newlyweds is "Never go to bed angry."
Go to bed!!  Stop fighting and start learning how to love!!
Love changes everything and is the perfect way to end any silly argument.

Good marriage is NOT about finding or creating a perfect spouse.
Good marriage is about learning to love the imperfect spouse you have.
Start in the bedroom.
Love that man.  
Let him love you.  
Learn together.  
Serve each other.  
Have fun!!
Your unity will trump every other area of your life.  

Women-- your headaches are only hurting you!!  Honestly, 20 minutes well spent!

The worldly, raunchy, crass sexual images you see on TV will create a cheap thrill while missing the depth of intimate, loving relationships.

Help him love you.
Don't give up on this aspect of your life.
Intimacy takes time, effort, and priority-- it is worth it!!
Loose yourself and you shall find yourself.
Give a crust, you'll get a loaf.

We are designed by a divine Creator who allows trials and stretching, but has ultimately created us to feel JOY.  
Sometimes sickness or disabilities, sin or past issues keep us from experiencing this joy fully.
This is so hard.  Maybe the hardest.
We ache because we are created to love!!
Don't give up.  Go forward with hope and faith.  Someday all will be made right and we will all be blessed with healing and happiness.

The best marriages I have known have been carved from soul wrenching healing.  A difficult beginning, a steep climb, illness, divorce, sin, abuse, deep chasms to cross-- these obstacles just make the view from the top better and sweeter.  No marriage is immune from difficulty. The BEST things in life are worth fighting for.  I know it.

[Every time I lay awake typing a blog about our intimate relationship, Todd and I discuss it at length.  

Am I ok with my children reading this?  Yes, I am.  I love that my kids can read what I absolutely believe to be truth.  Am I ok with Grandma reading?  She's been there, learned that.  Strangers?  Friends from work?  Weirdos?  You know-- this world is FULL of lies and sexual corruption.  I like being a voice in the other direction.

I really am not telling you details of my intimate life, I'm telling you my testimony of marital intimacy.  Because it IS so, so, so good and important.  I tell you as your sister and friend.

I had been married a few weeks and I was in burning pain.  One afternoon, I cried to a new friend.  She told me that I probably had an infection, encouraged me to drink cranberry juice, visit a doctor, and empty my bladder before intimacy.  She helped me heal.

Years later a couple I absolutely admired said that they had been through couples therapy together.  I gasped.  Their example inspired me.

I'm sorry if this blog seems in any way irreverent or inappropriate.  This is not my intent.  My intent is to be one more positive voice in favor of pure, good intimacy.  Heaven knows every raunchy magazine at the grocery store is telling you what not to do.

I can't share with you my family, without sharing with you the very best, and hardest thing I have ever learned about creating a happy home.]

I love!!!

We need to work on our intimate lives- this is time well spent.  It's an investment that cannot be counterfeit. 

Yes, I talk way too much about what I believe.  When I try to edit it down, I just make things longer trying to say things better.  Ha!  I will never be louder than the voices that are wrong-- but I can be one small voice that is telling you or shouting with you. Cleave unto your spouse.  Be one!  Pure, unifying, marital intimacy is the best and we know it!!

Loving and learning together is so fun!
Let us go with our husband to the feet of our God.  Let us let Him fill us such that we will never thirst.
What a gift.

I do love him.


Kassie said...

Thank you!
All true!

Anonymous said...

That was beautiful and well said. Thank you!

Anonymous said...

You have no idea how much I needed to read this today! Thank you for speaking truth!

Anonymous said...

I agree whole-heartedly! Thank you!

The Mergenthaler Family said...

I have been reading your blog on and off for about a year now. I too have a professor husband and a house full of kids. This post today was exactly what I needed. So true! Thank you!

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