seasons.

why do my kids want to make a silly face in every single picture?

doesn't that quilt make you want to quilt?

the colder weather is blowing through oregon and i am craving the lazy, indoor days of winter.

Sweet winter... with no soccer games or football on Saturday.

i LOVE seasons.

how i've missed them.

yesterday, we took all our kids to the dentist for cleanings... 6 cleanings.

i need to do better getting my kids to brush their teeth.

i think the problem is they need to TAKE THEIR TIME.

how much of my life am i telling my kids to HURRY UP!?

even as i say those words to a curious toddler i cringe.

children are not designed to hurry.

after the dentist, the professor, eve and i drove anna to Shriner's Hospital in Portland.
We met with a plastic surgeon about Anna's burned hand.
she will need another surgery on it sometime.
we thought it was time.

yesterday, they told us to wait 6 more months and see where we're at.

they also told us that her ring finger bone has no growth plate so it is will be smaller.
it's weird, but doesn't hamper her ability to use her hand, so we are grateful.

on the way home, anna cried.

she said she wished she had died in the campfire.

i have never heard her say anything negative about her burned hand before.

it was healthy, and healing.

we talked a lot about trials in life.

how everyone, everyone has trials... and this is hers.

life is about learning and growing and being able to empathize and serve.

at the doctors we saw a boy with half of his face burned.
i said, he probably looked at anna and thought that she had a perfect life.

he might not know that she had been burned also.

and, because she had a burned hand, she could empathize with that boy a little more.

my heart aches for that sweet girl.
i don't want her to hurt, or to be different.

i wish i could go back to that time of my life and whisper to me as a young mother--

STAY HOME!!  Protect her!
Everyday we try as mothers to protect our children from pain and disappointment.
but, we can not.  we should not.

life is about learning and growing.

anna, she is strong enough to endure this trial.
she will be given everything that she needs to endure the trials she has ahead of her in life.
she has a burned hand, and it is hard.
everybody has something hard.

life is good.

God loves us.

And, we are learning... all of us.

i have faith that God's plan is best. 

i know that someday Anna's hand will be whole again.

and, in that day, when her hand is whole... her heart will be a bit brighter and bigger.

she will shine with the light of Christ.
because in this life she learned to do hard things.
she learned to pray and rely on a Savior.

she learned to endure.

my sweet girl. 

i love her so much... and i know God loves her even more.

last night, anna was telling Ellie about her trip to Portland.

she said, "I told mom that i wish i could have died in the fire when i was a baby. and she said, then who would kiss lily goodnight every night? and i said, all her other sisters. and mom told me, there would be no lily... because if i would have died that night, mom would have died too."
before bed, we read another chapter of The Little House on the Prairie.
i loved this line...
"That afternoon Ma sat sewing in the shade of the house, and Baby Carrie played on the quilt beside her, while Laura and Mary watched Pa build the fireplace."
life is beautiful.

pulling teeth.

last week, we had an event.

anna and drew needed to have some teeth pulled.

i knew anna was nervous, but i was unprepared for just how nervous.

when she sat down in the chair, she started to cry.
she refused to open her mouth.
we have the NICEST, NICEST dentist ever.
he's a dad, with daughters.
after much coaxing and encouraging and explaining and bribing (i tried everything)...
we LEFT the office with all our teeth still in our mouth.
anna was VERY scared.
i was kicking myself that i hadn't prepared her better for this experience.

we talked on the way home. 
she asked if i was mad at her.
i told her i was very disappointed. 
but, that i was mostly sad for her.
because i knew she could do hard things.
we talked about different strategies when dealing with pain and fear.
(pulling the teeth wouldn't hurt, just getting the numbing shots might hurt a bit.)
i told her about labor, and blood transfusions, and how her aunt rebekah had chemo and radiation.
we discussed mental things that she could tell herself to replace the scared thoughts going through her mind.
1. That she could remember the doctor was kind and trying to help her.
(I told her that I always imagined love pouring out of the doctor's hands into my mouth.)
2.  That even if it was horrible, it would be finished by dinner time.  (Shorter than a movie.)

3.  She could pray.

4.  She could hum a song.
5.  She could think the very worst-- that she'd die.  And still, it wouldn't be that bad (she'd be in Heaven).

6.  She could think about little babies with cancer and burns and lots of hard things who have to endure pain every day-- and remember how blessed she is.

7.   She could remember that a little pain now would save her a lot of pain later (her tooth was a baby tooth that had gotten infected).
8.  She could think about how happy she would feel when she was finished.

9.  She could know that angels would be round about her and Jesus could help her do hard things.

10.  She could count to ten and the hard part would probably be finished.
11.  That NO MATTER WHAT-- she just needed to keep her mouth OPEN!!!
She could scream, she could cry, she could squeeze my hand-- she just needed to keep that mouth open wide.

Drew had an appointment the next day.

I told Anna that she should come with us and take Drew's spot.
I told her that it was her choice.
That I would pray for her, and that her dad could give her a blessing.

The next morning she said she wanted to do it.
I gave her my ipod with church music on it. 
She got a blessing, and we said a family prayer for her and drew.

we went back to the dentist.

anna went first...

AND SHE DID IT!

she was scared, it was a bit painful, but SHE DID IT!! 

both anna and drew were very brave.

and, it was hard.

when they were finished, they were SO excited.

especially Anna.

and, i was so happy for her.

i never doubted that she could do this.

and now, she knows she can do hard things.

i don't think kind mothers just comfort their kids when they are scared.

i think kind mothers TEACH their children that they are brave.

we aren't crossing the plains or plowing the fields.

but, my kids can learn great lessons in the dentist office.