October 26, 2011


why do my kids want to make a silly face in every single picture?
doesn't that quilt make you want to quilt?
the colder weather is blowing through oregon and i am craving the lazy, indoor days of winter.
Sweet winter... with no soccer games or football on Saturday.
i LOVE seasons.
how i've missed them.

yesterday, we took all our kids to the dentist for cleanings... 6 cleanings.
i need to do better getting my kids to brush their teeth.
i think the problem is they need to TAKE THEIR TIME.
how much of my life am i telling my kids to HURRY UP!?
even as i say those words to a curious toddler i cringe.
children are not designed to hurry.

after the dentist, the professor, eve and i drove anna to Shriner's Hospital in Portland.
We met with a plastic surgeon about Anna's burned hand.
she will need another surgery on it sometime.
we thought it was time.
yesterday, they told us to wait 6 more months and see where we're at.
they also told us that her ring finger bone has no growth plate so it is will be smaller.
it's weird, but doesn't hamper her ability to use her hand, so we are grateful.

on the way home, anna cried.
she said she wished she had died in the campfire.
i have never heard her say anything negative about her burned hand before.
it was healthy, and healing.
we talked a lot about trials in life.
how everyone, everyone has trials... and this is hers.
life is about learning and growing and being able to empathize and serve.
at the doctors we saw a boy with half of his face burned.
i said, he probably looked at anna and thought that she had a perfect life.
he might not know that she had been burned also.
and, because she had a burned hand, she could empathize with that boy a little more.

my heart aches for that sweet girl.
i don't want her to hurt, or to be different.
i wish i could go back to that time of my life and whisper to me as a young mother--
STAY HOME!!  Protect her!
Everyday we try as mothers to protect our children from pain and disappointment.
but, we can not.  we should not.
life is about learning and growing.
anna, she is strong enough to endure this trial.
she will be given everything that she needs to endure the trials she has ahead of her in life.
she has a burned hand, and it is hard.
everybody has something hard.
life is good.
God loves us.
And, we are learning... all of us.
i have faith that God's plan is best. 
i know that someday Anna's hand will be whole again.
and, in that day, when her hand is whole... her heart will be a bit brighter and bigger.
she will shine with the light of Christ.
because in this life she learned to do hard things.
she learned to pray and rely on a Savior.
she learned to endure.
my sweet girl. 

i love her so much... and i know God loves her even more.

last night, anna was telling Ellie about her trip to Portland.

she said, "I told mom that i wish i could have died in the fire when i was a baby. and she said, then who would kiss lily goodnight every night? and i said, all her other sisters. and mom told me, there would be no lily... because if i would have died that night, mom would have died too."
before bed, we read another chapter of The Little House on the Prairie.
i loved this line...
"That afternoon Ma sat sewing in the shade of the house, and Baby Carrie played on the quilt beside her, while Laura and Mary watched Pa build the fireplace."
life is beautiful.


Victoria Gilbert said...

Jen, I cried when I read this. Sweet Anna. You are such a good mom, and have given her a strength that will see her through. Love you :)

Anonymous said...

All my love to you and Anna! You are right in that -God's love is like the ocean! I hope you and your family are always immersed in it..take care!

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