politics by me.

last night we watched the republican national debate.

let me tell you how i see the candidates.

warning--

i am going to vote republican. 

i am more interested in their families than the issues.

i do care about issues, kind of.

but, i vote for who i FEEL would be best.

call me shallow... i'm fine with that.

1. HUNTSMAN

:: he just dropped out yesterday and is endorsing Mitt.

:: he is Mormon- but not very active.

:: he has 7 children.  5 biological, one adopted from China and one adopted from India.

:: some people have made videos of jon with his adopted daughters saying that he is a "Manchurian candidate" or in other words, a spy for the Chinese government.

PLEASE... that makes me mad.

:: 3 of his daughters "Jon's Girls" are cute, trendy and have been actively campaigning for him... making spoof you tube videos that gained some popularity.  They were making fun of a Hermain Cain video where he was talking and smoking a cigar.  I thought it was funny and sort of dumb.  I particularly liked one quote I read where one of Huntman's campaign advisors contacted a magazine to remind them that his daughters comments were not necessarily the views of the nominee.  :) 

:: Rick Perry really likes Jon Huntsman's family.  This is what he said...
"I was hoping I'd get the Huntsman girls. We love the Huntsman girls, our kids get along well, and Mary Kaye and Anita are best friends. Jon’s a dear friend too, and we’ve had a wonderful time getting to know the candidates.

"They will continue to be great and good friends. This process is an interesting one, it’s very intramural-scrimmage wise, but we love them and they’re a great family...(They're) a beautiful, wonderful fun family."

2. ROMNEY
:: very active Mormon
::  has lots of kids... 5 boys i think and his wife has MS.

:: glenn beck, another prominent Mormon-- likes Santorum better.
:: comes from Massachusetts-- where he was governor of a liberal state.  A lot of the junk he gets for being liberal comes from his record in that state.  When i hear the details it sounds to me like he was just trying to be a good leader-- doing what the people in his state wanted him to do.  i really don't think ANY ONE in America can just plow their own agenda through without some mediation. 
:: i like him when he talks.  i feel he's a good man-- but he isn't the most fun to listen to.

3.  PERRY
:: current Governor of Texas.
::  i love Texas and i LOVE this man.
seriously, when he talks i smile.
last night he said something about securing the border... i'm paraphrasing... "the people of America don't ask how much will it cost they ask when will we GET ER DONE."  go Texas!  i LOVE it.
:: i don't love his religion bashing comments about romney. (or those of his staff)
:: he is a no nonsense, non-apologizing, very conservative guy. 
it works in Texas.  not sure it would work in Washington.
::  Perry is married to Anita- his childhood sweetheart.  They have one daughter named Griffin, and a son named Sydney.  he's a politician and a cowboy. 


4. GINGRICH
:: oh Newt.  this guy has been married 3 times, with 3 different affairs (if i'm not mistaken).
:: his current wife is kinda cute, but it makes me sick to think of them in the white house.

:: Newt in the white house-- NEVER.  NEVER.
:: to me, he is the picture of a dirty politician.  i do not trust him.
:: after he lost his Congressional seat he was hired by Freddie and Fannie as a consultant where he made millions.  he says he was advising him but they didn't listen to his recommendations.  i believe him, but i think he's one of those guys that would cheat, lie and steal for a few million dollars.  morally-- NO WAY JOSE.
:: now, intellectually-- i love that guy.
he is RIGHT.  very, very RIGHT.  and he is BOLD (like Perry).
i love that.
really, he makes me laugh.
:: he said we should hire poor kids to be the janitors in schools.  when asked if that was an offensive comment he said, "republicans think work is good.  because of unions janitors in New York make a ridiculous amount of money.  We could fire one New York janitor and hire three kids and raise them out of poverty."  hah!  it made sense to me and i love that he doesn't apologize for his beliefs.  (well, maybe he owes his ex-wives a few apologies.)
:: i think Newt Gingrich belongs on TV as a political analyst and a talk radio commentator-- teaching the people NOT leading them.

5. SANTORUM
:: he's also very conservative.
:: Glenn beck wonders if he is the modern-day Winston Churchill.
:: I really wanted to like him... BUT,
I don't find him very inspiring.  When i hear him talk he sounds kind of whiny. 
He reminds me of Jerry Seinfeld.

:: he was in the Senate, but lost in the last election-- so he is currently unemployed as he runs for President.

i believe this is a financial worry for his family.

:: he is very Catholic.  he has seven children.  (sometimes i confuse his oldest daughter- dark hair, for his wife-lighter.  his oldest daughter looks just like him in girl form.)

:: his youngest daughter has trisomy 18, she wasn't supposed to live a year and is now 3 and a half.  they think she could pass away any day.  many have given him a hard time for campaigning with a sick baby-- he says she inspires him to change things.  (this is similar to the heat Palin took for campaigning with a Down's baby.)  I admire him for living what he believes.  I trust Santorum is doing what he believes to be right.

:: his wife delivered one baby early, at 20 weeks.  They opted to take the baby home with them to show their other children before they buried her.  Alan Colmes (on hannity and Colmes) gave him a hard time for this.  i do think it's a bit odd... but who am i to judge how a family decides to mourn the passing of their child?

:: and, this picture makes me laugh-- it is Santorum's daughter with her american girl doll... i'm not sure why she was so sad...

:: i always think his poor wife looks exhausted.  she's probably so stressed and busy.  here is a picture of her introducing her husband, the baby threw up on him so he is handing her to a family friend.  don't you know that santorum's wife just wishes she was AT HOME watching this on TV?  what a saint.

:: overall, i think he should get a great job in the Republican Nominee's cabinet-- but i'm not sure he is presidential material yet.

6. Ron Paul

:: oh ron paul.

i hardly know what to say.

:: i don't think he's republican... i think he is libertarian.

he's smart.

he's funny.

he reminds me of a grandfather. 

the debate guy says, "OK, we'll give you 30 seconds to respond."  He replies, "I need a minute, at least." 

he's funny.

he says, "You guys just don't get it do you?"

and he's right. 

he's trying to explain the details of politics to a country that really has no clue how things in Washington REALLY happen.

he's too "out there" for me.

too extreme... too philosophical.

i don't think he would make a good president... but i hope somebody takes that man and uses his knowledge for some applied good.

he's smart.

i do want to check out his cookbook though...

:: ron paul has five children.  they were baptized episcopalian.  he was raised Lutheran and attends a baptist church.  some of his sons are also in politics-- i love that.  and, his wife would be a Barbara bush first lady-- cute. 

and that, my friends, is my political moment.

laugh, if you may.

but know-- i do spend some time learning about our candidates.

have a good day!

on being slow.

oh how my heart is full of this concept.
how i yearn to master it.
diligence amidst the calm.
the eye of the storm.
priorities and peace.
i believe Christ was a great example of this.
"my yoke is easy and my burden is light"
"come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and i will give you rest."
"peace i give unto you, not as the world giveth"

thursday night we were having scripture time.
one child was having a difficult time making it.
she couldn't find her scriptures.
she couldn't quiet her mind, or her thoughts, or her actions.
she went from person to person causing trouble
and was eventually sent to her room.
she actually went to the top of the stairs where she just cried and cried.
as i was trying to herd her into bed, the tears continued.
i tried to explain... it's no big deal.  just one bad night, tomorrow will be better.
she countered--
everything is bad.
it's just too hard.
she can't come to scripture time because she is so far behind.
she's been trying to read her scriptures everyday but she can't find them.
or she forgets and now she is days behind.
she still had a current event homework undone.
and she was certain she would not be able to get it done in the morning because it takes all her time just to get dressed (and find her shoes).
she never has time to make a good lunch.
she never has time to practice her piano like she wants to.
she never has time to get all her chores done.
she never has time to finish all her extra credit so she can earn more H-bucks.
it's impossible.  (insert more crying).

and, i had a moment.
a BIG moment.
you see, i have a list in my brain of "Things I Didn't Learn From My Parents".
and, sometimes i'm snotty that there are so many things on that list.
this was the first time that i saw my own child with a "Things I Didn't Learn From My Parents" list.
this child SOUNDED JUST LIKE ME.
EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE.
i ALWAYS feel that i have more to do than hours to do it.
i'm continually overwhelmed.
and, i hate that.
life is not about living in failure.
life is about doing ONE good THING.  about FINISHING. and about FEELING the joy from accomplishing.
(remember this post about "Rejoicing in the Finishes Amidst the Unfinished"?)
and moving on.
i wanted to be her peace and assurance.
i was her peace.
i told her that i would print out her current event.
that in the morning i would type for her while she told me what to write- we would be super fast.
i offered to pack her lunch for her.
to spend some time reading with her so she can catch-up to the family (i still need to do this)
i gave her a kiss and told she is young and good.
that she can go to sleep FEELING like she had a good day and that tomorrow would be even better.
i made a mental note--  LEARN this, so i can TEACH it to her.

i imagined the future of my FIVE future mothers.
all tantruming each day-- because it's just too hard.

Healthy people know how to be content and still amidst the vast array of possibilities.

my mother in law is a still person.
i am always amazed at the peace she brings when she visits my home.
(usually around the birth of a baby)
after just a few days time, i notice that my home is shining.
my laundry is done.
my fridge is full of good things.
meals are regular and quickly cleaned up.
my kids have taken a walk each day.
she reads them stories and sings songs.
even my mother in law takes a nap each day.
and there is peace.
no big marathons, just consistent and steady.

our prophet is like this too.
although he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders, he is a still man.
i have read these words from Virginia Pearces book, Through His Eyes, again and again...
she says, "Elder M. Russell Ballard came to our stake conference.  He voiced great concern over the state of the world, especially Satan's influence, and then just the sheer busyness of our lives.  He pled with us to make time to be quiet . . . to sit, even just to hold our scriptures and think about our lives.  The Holy Ghost speaks to us quietly.
"I believe one of the unexpected gifts President Thomas S. Monson is giving to us as members of the Church is a call to slow down.  When he speaks, he tells stories, giving us time to step into someone else's life.  And they are usually stories about taking time for individuals, enjoying the simple luxury of quiet visits and conversations.  AS we listen to him speak, we can almost feel ourselves slowing down a bit-- entering a world that isn't about lists or the clock but rather about listening and responding to the promptings of the Holy Ghost."

Oh, how i LOVE that.
the "CALL TO SLOW DOWN".
must i admit that i often listen to president monson's talk and urge him to HURRY UP!
i want him to give me a list of things to do to be better.
i want principle and theory and a quick fix to my happily ever after.
after changing my perspective, i watched again the last general conference talk by president monson.
(you can watch it here...)

and i CRIED.
i heard the voice of a prophet.
telling me that GOD hears me and answers my prayers.
and what is greater than that?
really.
i commune with GOD and i get discouraged because i'm not finishing the hundreds of tasks i set for myself each day.
hello?!

when my babies were sick a couple weeks ago, i sat on the couch (staring at my tardy Christmas decorations)
i didn't do much.
but there was peace and joy knowing i was doing just what i needed to do.

i had another conversion moment.
with my husband.
i remember feeling like he didn't care about me.
i remember feeling like he wasn't even trying.
(honestly it's hard for me to even remember how i came to these conclusions because i just think differently now.)
he has a history of being a bad gift-giver.
as in, he gives me nothing.
ever.
this year i went to a store and put things on hold that he could choose from.
he forgot to go and they took the things off hold.
finally, i just bought myself an outfit and put it under the tree.
i hate that.
to me, it wasn't about the gift, it was about the effort-- and in my mine, he didn't make any.
and, he agreed with me.  he was pretty hard on himself.
he kept saying, "I know.  I must not care enough because i didn't even think about you for Christmas.  I don't know what's wrong with me."
isn't that sad?
i knew it wasn't great that he didn't give me gifts- i didn't understand WHY he was like that.
but, i decided  i didn't care.
i wasn't going to dwell on that, because in my soul i KNOW he does love me.  A LOT.
i gave that part to God to work with and I chose to just be grateful for him.
because i am.

i was sitting beside him one evening and the spirit said to my soul, clear as day.
it's not that he isn't trying, it's that HE'S TRYING TOO HARD.
in that instant, my vision completely changed.
i saw todd, as he is.
a man who NEVER rests.
he wakes by 5:30... he works, he serves, he goes through his ever diligent day.
he cooks dinner, if i'm not done when he gets home, he does the dishes, he puts the kids to bed, he is ever working on his papers, ever thinking about the concepts.
for every disagreement we have he creates a new checkpoint to add to his overflowing list...
when he's sitting in the car and sees me coming out with my arms full he says,
"ok, i will always check with you before i get in the car on Sunday morning"
he wakes all night long with our fussy baby- he hands her to me, i nurse, then he rocks her back to sleep.
all night long.  then, he gets up again at 5:30am.
he showers every day, he studies his scriptures every day, he kneels to pray every morning and night.
he blows me out of the water with his diligence.
he tries TOO hard and so he misses some things.
the quiet things.
and he misses the peace and joy.
that night i wanted to surround him with love, always.
to spend my hours letting him know he is enough, just as he is.
to help him just BE and FEEL and ENJOY...
and not always feel like he has to DO.

there is power in being still.
in getting rid of our To Do lists.
in just BEING.

i have realized that Satan gets me in PLANNING.
i have begun to HEAR his whisper-- he can't get me to DO BAD, so now he tells me to DO MORE.

"Therefore I say unto you, TAKE NO THOUGHT for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on.  Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?...
"Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; THEY TOIL NOT, neither do they spin:
"And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these....
"Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat: or, What shall we drink: or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed:
"(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:)  for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."
Matt 6:25-33

This is another one of those cycles I was talking about here...
Plan less, worry less... Be a wise steward, be deliberate...
Again, i find God somewhere in the middle.
I feel Satan in the extremes.

Confession--
i can not come up with a plan for my day.
not one day.
i can't write down a simple order.
get dressed, get kids dressed, read my scriptures, exercise, write a blog, shower, straighten the house, etc., etc.
it's a weirdo, speed bump area for me.
when i plan my day, i end up writing 100 things that i can never do.
and so i trash my paper, or i try really hard and fall short.
JUST LIKE MY DAUGHTER.
i can LIVE a day.
i just can't write it down.

BUT.
it's my new goal.
write a day.
keep it simple.
do it.
FEEL JOY.
help my kids write their day.
help them do it.
help them FEEL JOY.

i heard some advice.  (someone said this came from Sister Beck, but I haven't been able to find the source)
they said our day can be divided into THREE parts.
they said NO ONE can be active and good all three parts-- we need down time.
they encouraged us to pick a section of time and use that as our down time.

here is the link..
and the quote-  By Julie Beck

In order to prioritize time wisely, I learned something from my father-in-law years ago. He was a steel-worker and spent his life working three different shifts. He either worked the day shift, the afternoon shift, or the night shift. As a young mother I realized one time that I was working all three shifts, and that’s why I was so tired. We can’t do all things all at once, and we have to be careful and safeguard our shifts. As I have talked to young mothers and mothers with children at home—those with teenagers and young adults especially—they tell me that their most important shift to be at the top of their game, to be the strongest lioness at the gate is the “swing shift.” That’s the afternoon shift. That’s when everyone comes home hungry, tired, needy, and less lovable. It is when you are hungry, tired, needy, and less loveable. It is also the time of day when people are more teachable, when they are most grateful. When we realize and prioritize our time properly, we don’t expect to use all of our strength on the other two shifts so that the afternoon shift can be safeguarded and can be a time of strength and power. We plan for times when the meals are there together, when we can create that home environment and when that family can gather, and you are the strengthening power and force in that family. Remember that influence and power come when we prioritize correctly. If you spend time elsewhere, you don’t have it to give. For other women it might be another time of the day. Some of us have to be on call during the day shift. There are many who need help during the day. Service is needed during the day, but look at and evaluate your life. Ask “Where do I need to prioritize my time?” and “When do I have to be at the top of my game?” I have learned that a good woman with the help of the Lord can usually work two to two and a half shifts. However, no one can work all three shifts. You have to prioritize where you are going to spend your energy.

as mothers, we need to be on in the morning and the night, so afternoon could be our slow time.
(sometimes i'm slow in the afternoons and it does help me to be a better after-school mother)
i thought of my kids... oooo i'm bad.
structured mornings, school, structured nights.
i wondered if i should pick one-- maybe move chores/piano to the morning so they can be completely free in the afternoons.
i thought of my husband... i want him to be OFF in the evenings.
i've NEVER wanted that before.
i've never understood why he couldn't be ON the same as me...
because i haven't taken afternoons OFF.
you see?
i need to slow down and then i can help my family to slow down also.

i need to SLOW DOWN.
we ALL need to SLOW DOWN.
to FEEL more.
to DO less.
i want to be more like my mother in law, more like Christ, more like our prophet, more like Lily (and the lilies of the field).
life is good, and simple, and slow.

if we CHOOSE that.

CRAZY about Photo Books.

BLAH!!
BLAH!!
BLAH!!
that's all i have to say about that.

i have a few issues.
1. digital picture books
2. computer software/equipment
3. photography questions
4. family history organization
5.  TIME to research and make the best decisions
6.  MONEY to do what i find
7.  getting over my initial desire to just forget it all... till next year.  :)

i'm just a plain old mother of 7 who wants to make them a picture book.
i want to print my blog.
i want to create a yearly book of our family.
i don't want crazy scrapbookiness...  i CAN'T do that.
i just want a classy book that doesn't cost me millions.
that is worth the time and energy that i will put into making it.
i DON'T want 100 different kinds of albums-- some for thanksgiving, some for summer...
i want them to look the same on my shelf.
(hah!  the truth comes out...)

i want to put my ENERGY into making the dumb book NOT deciding HOW to make it.

i found this site...
Top 10 Photobooks-- 
i think i'm going to stick with Shutterfly 12x12 (they rate them #2)
cause i've used them before, and this gal uses them (scroll to the bottom to see her cute book)-- 100+ pages, 12x12, hardcover, picture front and back for under $50.
but, i dunno.
this girl uses My Publisher.
and this girl uses Blurb.

i bought "my memories" digital scrapbooking software
because it cost me $26.
because it was rated #1 for digital scrapbooking in Top 10 Digital Scrapbooking Software.
because i think it will help me make fun layouts and cute quotes and stuff...
BUT, i can't open it because i don't have enough space on my computer.
AND... i'm not sure why i need it or want it or if it was dumb for me to get.

I WANT TO LEARN HOW TO USE MY CAMERA BETTER.
BUT i am completely overwhelmed when i try to read a book or look at a website.
it seems like i have to become a professional photographer to even take the next step.
SORRY i don't have money to buy a $500 tripod and $1000 lens just to figure out how to make my pictures more crisp.
AND i don't have 1000 hours to sort through all the different sites to find where to find the information.
blah.
SERIOUSLY???
do moms REALLY whip out the tripod every time they want to snap a picture making cookies with their kids?
i don't want to BE a professional photographer-- i just want to be a good mom who takes non-blurry-ish pictures and prints them out in a book fairly regularly.

i can't even decide HOW to do these stupid books.
do i print each year (January to December)?
or, do i print each birthday?  Birthday to Birthday.
of do i print each SCHOOL year-- kindergarten, first grade, etc.
or, do i have a family book "2012" and a separate book for each kid "age 12" or "second grade"...
UGH!!
the decisions.

do i need to buy paper and a cute banner template for $2.99 from scrap girls? (rated #1 for digital scrapbooking elements... whatever the heck that means.)
do i need photoshop?
do i need lightroom?
can't i just use the little folders that i'm currently using?
we have office 2003.
i can get the new office for $10 (through todd's work)-- but then i need to get a new printer, because my printer doesn't work with the new office.
even though my printer works great.
i think i need a new printer anyway because i need a scanner to scan in my pictures from before my digital age.

i have a really great friend who laughs at me regularly.
she says i just need to make a decision and stick with it, even if it isn't the "BEST" decision.
i tried to do that when i pushed purchase on my "digital scrapbooking My Moments software" and now it's making me crazy because i can't even open the stupid thing.
(should have done more research??!!)
Blah.
Blah.
Blah.

list of things i need to buy so i can be a good mother and document my kids' childhood.
new printer/scanner
office 7
lightroom/photoshop
tripod
$100-$300 online photography course
digital scrapbooking software
$50-150 each printed book (times 7 kids time lots of years)

UGH!!
THIS is why my pictures are sitting nicely in my simple little "My Pictures" folder on my computer.
for the past 10 years.


And, i'm trying to get back into family history.
same issues--
do i need to buy a better program?
do i need to subscribe to Ancestry.com?
or, should i just stick with my little old paf program?

Just so you know...
the information age is driving me CRAZY.

er.

Crazy-ER.


happy stinkin saturday!

hah, just kiddin.
i'm not really cranky... just venting.   :)

ps.  scrapbooking is one word, right?
i keep getting it underlined as wrong...

family.

i had a new comment on an old blog of mine..
summer chore charts and NON-consistency.
i went back and re-read some of the blogs that i wrote back then.
and i chuckle... that really was a great post, i need to remember this stuff!!
my youngest, lily, was one and i was NOT pregnant yet.
oh, life is just a bit brighter when i'm not pregnant or nursing.
look at those kids?!!!
seriously??!!
you should have SEVEN or at least six.
i'm just sayin.

just look at that squishy thing.
ugh.
i LOVE these guys...

i cycle.

the older i get (yes, i am the big 3-4), the more i see patterns in my life.

cycles.

seasons.

i am beginning to recognize life's seasons
and to flow with or through the cycle instead of buck against them.

i have learned to find joy in summer fun and peace in winter hibernation.

i love the quote by William Blake, 

"In seed time learn, in harvest teach, in winter enjoy."

i have felt a gratitude cycle.

times when i am feeling abundant, blessed, grateful and generous.

during these seasons my prayers are overflowing with gratitude... tears come quickly to my eyes as i think of all that my Father in Heaven has blessed me with.

There are other times when i am feeling sparse, jealous, wanting and needy.

during these seasons my planner is full of lists- things i need for me and my family.

i feel overwhelmed with an inability to have enough, enough time, enough money, enough sleep, etc., etc.

everything is heavy and just out of reach.

surprisingly, i have learned that often my season of wanting comes during a time when i really do need something.

when i tell myself that i should just be grateful for what i have, that i'm too worldly and ungrateful... my feelings of discontent grow.  

like i'm telling my hungry body to diet... food becomes and obsession.

if i respond differently...

if i feel myself wanting and i trust myself.

i trust that i am good, that my desires are good, and that i have a Father in Heaven who wants to bless me with everything that i desire that is good.

when i am patient and prayerful and give myself permission to want...

i see the windows of heaven open.

God blesses me with ALL my wants or in time He changes my heart so i don't want anymore.

when i give my wants to Him, instead of hide them from him, i slide naturally and gently into a season of abundance and gratitude.

i love this cycle.

and this quote by George Santayana,

"To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring."

I have also recognized a cycle of discipline.

there are distinct seasons of my life when i am prompted to be firm, disciplined, structured, ordered, strict, and consistent with my children.

i see example of really great mothers around me who are very disciplined and i want to be more like them.

i become more consistent with chores and accountability, reverence and teaching.

i limit screen time.

i crave schedules and routine.

i hear my Father whispering for me to sign my kids up for piano lessons or teaching me the goodness that comes from them being a part of a team.  

this season of my life is almost always followed by a season of relaxed, gentle, unstructured, simple, emotional, tenderness.

i am continually prompted to be still, to really see my children, to forget the schedule and enjoy the moment, to slow down, to come home, to enjoy and not to enforce.

i see examples all around me of mothers who are loving and kind and gentle and i want to be more like them.

i become more inconsistent with chores and more consistent with loving kindness.

my home is messier, my creativity is greater, my kids play more and work less.

i begin to hibernate at home and crave days filled with family and no outside contact.

i hear my Father whispering, love them more, enjoy them more, this time is short, they are OK just the way they are... read more stories, make more messes, let them be little, love them imperfect.

i LOVE this cycle.

there are other cycles i experience...

the cycle of intimacy or closeness with my spouse, family, friends.

that continual drifting apart and pulling closer together.
we have a "come to Jesus" talk and wonder when we drifted apart and how we can stay close.
and then we remember... that is the state of things... and continual waxing and waning.
as long as we're not DAMNED, we are good.

it is beautiful.

the cycle of service.

being focused on home and family, feeling the urge to reach out, reaching too far, coming home.

it is life.

the cycle of creation or decoration.

times when i am immersed in the joy of creating, making beautiful, using my gifts and talents. 

days when my family eats hot dogs and mac n cheese while i sew quickly and bask in a room full of goodness, late nights and beautiful mess.
my home is transformed, pictures re-hung, centerpieces slightly altered.

i notice beauty in the details and my life smiles with my creation

and, there are times when i need to pack up my craft room and create a healthy meal.
times when my house decor fades into the background.
my focus is who is sitting on my couch not what the pillows look like.
i go months without making a single thing.

the cycle of friendship and social life.

months where we invite people over often, we make new friends, we serve, we party, we attend.
our car is messy and our home is full.

and there are months where we are quiet homebodies living in our jammies...
(ok, maybe not months... but weeks.)

the cycle of order.

times when i am ok with dressers packed tightly and times where i overhaul, purge, re-label and donate.

cycles of order do not mean that i am unorganized.

even organized people have times of re-organization.

i even read in cycles.

in the past i have felt guilty for my cycles.

i have felt that my need for continual re-evaluation was a sign of my inability to ever get it right.

i have looked back at blogs i have written "teach your children" and thought, "oh, i was WRONG, just LOVE them."

and then i laugh.

the older i have gotten the more i have realized that God rarely says "NO" or "WRONG" or "NEVER"

He usually says, "NOT NOW."

He usually tells me, "Try this today..."  

NOT, "Yesterday you were dumb."

perhaps while i am swinging there are those who are enjoying life calmly in the middle ground.

perhaps there are those who are forever spring.

but, i cycle.

and in the midst of my inability to control the weather, i have learned to listen to the weather man.

i have learned to recognize the storm clouds in the distance.

i've learned to pull back a little.

grab an umbrella.

plan a date.

read another story.

skip nap time.

make a list.

empty out a closet.

pull out a project i've been dreaming of.

cancel a commitment.

remember last year

and ENJOY where i'm at.

life is about learning and growth.

weathering each new season with dignity and diligence.

today, i feel a spark of creation growing 

(more of a quilt-y/crafty spark than a living, breathing, not sleeping spark)  :)

today, i feel a call to slow down.

today, i feel a call to serve.

today, i feel a tug towards my ancestors...

today, i want to be purposeful in my travel and enjoy my stays at home.

 i am grateful for the seasons of my life.

Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid only of standing still.

Chinese Proverb

our adoption story.

i've been following adoption stories for quite sometime.
my heart years for a darling Uganda baby.
but, alas, we already have MANY children and i'm pretty confident that Ugandan adoption is not in our future.

enter saturday morning.
i awake with a clear knowledge that we need to visit the humane society as a family that day.
i refuse.
i feel the nagging again and i listen.
i say to my dear husband... how about we visit the humane society today?
he says, "Great idea honey, I've been feeling that we should do this too!!"
well, more like... (are you crazy?  really?  is it ok if i wait in the car?  really?)
we visit.
it was love at first sight, for the kids... not for me.
we left.
i spent the night thinking "NO WAY!"
the kids and todd fasted and prayed the next day.
yes, God does care about whether or not we get a dog.
i know it.
i spent the day thinking about ME, ME, ME...
and it sounded hard.
we visited the shelter one more time and i heard crazy, ferocious dogs going crazy...
i saw our sweet little dog with her nose at the gate, her tail tucked under, and for the first time i thought about HER.
we could be a blessing in her life.
i knew it.

the shelter called her zella.
she is a mix between a chihuahua and and daschund-- a breed called a Chiweenie.
She was taken from a home two months ago where she was locked all but a few hours of everyday in a kennel.
When they got her the medical reports describe her atrocious condition.
She had no hair, her body was covered with yeasty infection, her nails were so long they curled in circles and she was very overweight.
they think she was fed either really bad dog food or human junk.
when i see her i think of the digging-est dog...
"i was the saddest dog you could ever see,

sad because no one wanted me...
i was tied to a bare, hard floor of stone
i could not even dig for a bone.
i was living all of my life alone,
a dog that no one wanted to own."

she was transferred to our shelter from another shelter because she looked so bad.
she spent the past month and a half in a foster home where they bathed her four times a week with medicated shampoo and started feeding her healthy and loving her up.
EVERY vet report, every note about her in the paperwork ends with "such a sweet dog, she would be great in a family."

Zella was renamed

Daizie Pinky Pan-a-cake.

The name Daisy was actually Jakob's idea.
The boys fought hard for that name.
Anna was certain that it was cuter to spell it with a Z and an IE.
Lily insists on Pinky- because pink is her favorite color and EVERY stuffed animal she owns is named pinky... and Leah came up with Pan-a-cake, because she's brown.
Ellie wanted to name her Mayflower and call her Maysie...  Daizie was ok because it rhymed.

so far, it has been SO FUN.

the only hard thing for me is that eve cries if i'm not near her when the dog comes by her.
she really likes the dog, but wasn't too excited when Daisy licked her face.
(seriously, it is annoying to type Daizie... personally i like Daisy better but when i was in 4th grade my name was Jeni because i was so much better than Jenny.)

today, i welcomed home a new member of our family.
a five year old Chiweenie from an animal shelter.

and i am happy.

ps.  this was my FAVORITE moment of the day.
months ago leah was filling out an "all about me" packet for preschool.
she was supposed to show "her pet", but i had convinced her she could do the pet she wished she had.
she picked a chihuahua.
we printed off a picture from the internet and she colored it red.
for her birthday this year she also asked for a chihuahua.
i NEVER for one second even halfway considered that she would EVER get a chihuahua.
ever.
she happened upon the picture she colored of the red chihuahua this morning while we were waiting for the shelter to open.
she held up her picture and shouted to me, "See Mom!  I knew it!  DREAMS DO COME TRUE!"
sweet, sweet girl.

i have a DOG?!!

i believe in INEQUALITY.

a few months ago, a friend of mine asked for suggestions.
one of her twin daughters had been diagnosed with diabetes and had received much time and attention.
she had two other children and was looking for ideas to help them feel more loved.
(well, this is my interpretation of what she was asking, i could look it up but i'm too lazy this morning.)
i remember, "besides mom-dates, how do you show your kids you love them?"

and, i remember being quite passionate about my response.
having many children i am always focused on loving the INDIVIDUALS.
we have done mom-dates.
and, i love them.
but, after analyzing for my friend i realized one principle that i adhere to.

i believe in INEQUALITY.
i LOVE, LOVE doing things for ONE child that i don't do for everyone.
i leave a small gift and a thank you note on their pillow.
i start a mom and me journal with just one child.
i eat lunch with one.
i volunteer in one person's classroom.
i have one kid invite a friend over.
i bring home a treat from the store, or a new hair brush, or new mechanical pencils... just for one.
i love teaching my other children to be happy for their sibling, not jealous.
and i love reminding them... sometimes it is just you who gets special things.

i pay particular attention to the WANTS of my children.
they do not ask for much.  i love gifting them with things that they have mentioned they would like.
i also pay particular attention to the children who aren't overly NEEDY.
i try to figure out what they would LOVE and take a few minutes showing them that i noticed and i love them, most.
sometimes i am unequally gifting, sometimes i am unequally treating, sometimes i'm taking one to the store with me or going for a walk in the woods (i'm taking more walks this year), or painting nails, or letting one stay up late to play ping pong or boggle with just mom and dad.
really, i am a fan of inequality.

i am also a fan of rewarding the child who is making the most effort.
we don't do allowance.
but if two kids ask to have a friend over, i will say no to one and yes to another.
if the rejected child asks why their sibling got a friend, i LOVE telling them, "because all week they were helpful and happy."

i watched this clip from Glenn Beck the other day and i remembered it as i was thinking about this post.
it made me think...

Have a great day!

15 minute monday.

ready, go.

1. BEST BOOK EVER-- i LOVE the Cook's Illustrated cookbook.  It is FABULOUS.  Santa left it for Jakob, because he knew mom really wanted it.  i find myself just reading the pages.  it is a scientific cookbook (perfect for boys).  it not only gives you the recipe, it tells you WHY it has you do certain things.  It is very specific in the HOWs and WHYs.  i LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it.  really.  i've learned so much.  we are eating really great food (jakob just made a key lime pie last night.  mmm.)  i made awesome pizza on Friday.  this is the FIRST cookbook where i actually FOLLOW the recipe.  i think this cookbook is smarter than me...  check it out.

2.  PARENTING TIP- my mother in law reminded me about "code words".  i think think this will be PERFECT for one of my kids.  we just have a little talk someday about a goal we're working on and in the heat of the moment i just flash out the code word with a smile and i'm able to remind them everything they need to know without the whole family's input.  Great Idea!!

3.  CHRISTMAS- is just getting put away at my house... this has lasted TOO long.  next year i'm going to finish shopping by halloween.  decorate RIGHT after thanksgiving and clean up before New Years.  remind me ok?

chiweenie-- these are NOT cute dogs.  this is a picture from the internet.
we may or may not be getting a dog like this.
i may or may not be half crazy and completely tenderhearted to the plight of 7 wanting children
and one sad doggy that needs a home...  seriously??!!

4. RAT DOG-  we accidentally took a trip to the pound on Saturday.  i may or may not be purchasing dog food today.  why is it easier for me to get pregnant again than commit to a four-legged friend?

5. SECOND BEST BOOK EVER- Through His Eyes, by Virginia Pearce.  i read this gem of a book in one evening.  it was beautiful and gentle and just what i needed to hear.  you know those times in your life when you over-react to a situation and you're not sure where the passion came from?  this book helps you identify thought patterns that are destructive and replace them with ETERNAL TRUTHS.  i LOVED it.  i am enjoying MANY moments of pondering and evaluating...