2011 In Review.

Laying in bed last night i was thinking about my new year's resolution and pondering life.
I decided that today I would look back through my blog and re-post the links to my favorite posts.
How I love remembering where I was and how far i've come.
(Well, it's usually more cyclical than progressing, but I'm working on that...)

NOTE-- This blog embarrasses me a little bit... when i read over it i feel like it's me saying everything I love about myself.  I hope you read it as me saying everything I LOVED EXPERIENCING AND LEARNING.  i love to read back over, not because of my amazing recording skills (actually, when i read i CRINGE at the many errors i have wishing i had time to edit and re-write)... BUT, i love remembering... where i was when i learned that new thing.  i love reading 'things to do with preschoolers' and remembering myself 8 months pregnant wishing i could sleep all day and CHOOSING to get up and find joy in painting.  Last year was full of fun and full of hard.  It was a pretty normal year.  Enjoy my remembering.  (Don't think I'm completely in love with myself.)  hah!

January 2011.

Oh, as most of you know I am not good at being concise.  I have a hard time choosing.
Last January was a good month.  I was organizing and cleaning and getting ready to put our house on the market.
I love the posts on enjoying my toddlers here and here.  And, this post There is NO RIGHT Way.
And, this post Rejoice in the Finishes Amidst the Unfinished...

As my sister in law, Rebekah, reminded me... You can't SINK unless you're WALKING on water.  Poor Peter gets so much attention for his sinking, and not enough credit for his walking on water.  Guess what?  We would do it.  We are doing it.  If Christ stood on the waves and asked us to come to him, we WOULD walk.  We are walking on water... every day.  And, sometimes we sink.  And, He rescues us.  And, we are fine, and our family is fine, and our home is fine.  But when we lay in the boat at the end of the day, wet, we CRY because we SANK... instead of REJOICE because we WALKED.  
DON'T CRY BECAUSE YOU SANK... REJOICE BECAUSE (for a moment) YOU WALKED!!

It's dumb to admit, but my favorite posts from January are my House of Order post-- Here is Kid's Closets.
I really became an organizing machine and my house is still benefiting from those weeks of purging and labeling.  Years of striving to order my home and i think i really reached a new peak...  it felt good.

I am amazed at how big my house feels and how ordered I feel.

Honestly, I re-organize all the time.  But, this time it feels different.

I think it's the labels. 

Everything feels permanent and easy to keep up with.

February 2011.

I still LOVE making these easy blankets.
And, I remember my Mega-Baby shower with overwhelming feelings of gratitude.
I laugh at  Third Trimester Preparations, where I complain about not being able to sleep and then I share my grand wisdom on how to get a baby to sleep through the night... (if i only knew then what was in store for me.)

The post about Anna's burns-- When children are scarred was hard to write.
I hadn't talked much about that tragedy on our blog before.
I had no idea that Anna's hands would be such an important part of our lives this year.
I know that no matter how careful we are, we can not protect our children from hard things.
They may struggle with injury, sickness. learning disabilities, emotional disabilities, pride, etc...
But, they ALL will struggle with something.
Our role as parents is NOT to protect our children from HARD things... but to help guide them through.
To help them make their journey the best it can be... whatever their journey may entail.

March 2011.

Oh, what a month.  I thought I was going to have a baby this month.  And, I didn't.
What a month of fighting the roller coaster of emotions that come from anticipation, anxiety and the stretch of waiting...
i LOVE this post-- on CREATING.
and this post-- on LOVING MANY.


a friend once asked me, "How can you be everything to a large family that you would be to a smaller family?"
She had just given birth to her third child and wondered if she would be able to have another.
(Side note- she is currently expecting her fourth.)


I told her what I often tell people-- You can't.
You give everything you have to loving one child, and you give everything you have to loving seven.
Do the math-- you can not do for seven what you could do for one.


You can't do it, but God can.
God has a way of loving everyone equally-- of knowing exactly what we need and having the ability to give infinitely.
I learned early on in my parenting that if I learned to LISTEN, He would tell me what I needed to do, when I needed to do it.
The only way that I can meet the needs of my children is to ask God what those needs are and act when He whispers.


I can't do it all.

But, I can do one thing.

And God, He's pretty good at telling me what I should focus on next.
Together, we can love many.
I believe that God and I together are better than just me alone- even if I only had one child.

And together, we are enough.  My kids are blessed, and my capacity to love has been increased.

Listening and then Acting... that is the key.
Just love the one that needs you the most.


April 2011.

i LOVE that picture.
I LOVED Eve's BIRTH- two weeks overdue!  blah.
seriously-- the BEST thing I have ever done is delivering eve naturally, with HypnoBabies.
it was an incredible, life changing experience.
i thank God every day for giving me that beautiful experience.
every one of births was miraculous, but eve's birth was just an amazing experience.
with eve's birth i changed my impression of myself... i always thought i was a wimp.
my doctor's "Wow, you have a high pain tolerance" rings in my ears when I'm cringing at the dentist.
Birth is beautiful.  What a great gift.
I love seeing it from Todd's Perspective-- I am Amazed.

My wife, who has been induced during the births of our first six children, was trying desparately to experience labor starting without any medical interventions. Yet it became increasingly clear that if our girl didn't come on her own soon, we'd need Pitocin to start Jen's labor. Sunday night was difficult for both of us. Jen felt a bit forsaken, and it was hard for me to console her. She expressed her exasperation with the wait, her wondering about why things were happening this way, her concerns about all that could go wrong having a VBAC after two c-sections. But then she talked about all that could go well, all of the blessings that we had seen in our lives during this pregnancy. We had done all that we could do to bring about our desires, which we believe were righteous and good.

So, while Jen's labor was induced, our OB did what he could to respect our wishes and wisely started her with the minimal doseage possible to get things going, to minimize the risk of uterine rupture. I felt so happy for my wife, seeing her labor progress so rapidly with so little discomfort and so little Pitocin. And in the end, it turned out that having an induction in the hospital may have been the best thing for Jen because her water didn't break until two minutes before the birth, and the cord was wrapped around the baby's neck and body. Out initial plan of waiting at home until her water broke could have resulted in a birth in the front seat of our car--a very dangerous proposition given the condition of the cord. But because we were at the hospital, everything worked out just fine.

And so, I really feel amazed to have a healthy baby girl (Eve Antonina, 7 lb 8 oz, 20 in long) who is already nursing like a champ, a happy wife who is recovering more quickly than with any other birth, and a mother-in-law who is lovingly watching over our other kids. Life is very good.
(The rest of the month was a struggle... oh yes it was.)

May 2011.

Colic, colic, colic.
AND we had our house on the market.  AND Todd was finishing his PhD.  AND nursing was really hard.
i know it could have been worse-- much worse.
but, it was hard.
i love this post-- The Truth About Happily Ever After.
Because, it's true.
And we are BLESSED-- even when we're not SPARED.

Today, I don't have many trials.
I just have an excess of blessings.  (Hah!)

It's true...  many kids, many house showings, moving, dinner, laundry, a baby who needs me...

This is my life, and it is oh so good.

So good.

and, hard.

I'm grateful for hard.  Because I am becoming.  My patience muscles are becoming stronger.  My discernment muscles are becoming stronger.  My procrastination muscles are shrinking.  My laziness muscles are shrinking.  My selfish muscles are shrinking.
I am making my happily ever after.

I'm choosing to be HAPPY in my ever after.

Because Happily Ever After is a choice not a gift.

June 2011.

My favorite post was Father's Day... this was a hard post for me to write.
Dad's are so important and good dads are pretty rare these days.

Although I am one who loves easily, I was VERY CAREFUL to marry a man who would be a great father for my future children.

I would picture each man that I dated pushing our future children on a swing.

I wanted to be able to tell my kids, "I hope you grow up to be just like your father."

And, today, I can say that.

July 2011.

what a fun month discovering Oregon.
it was hard to move from Texas- we love Texas.
But i was filled with gratitude as I explored Oregon.
Wow.  This world is beautiful.  There are good people everywhere.
Life is good.
I loved this trip to the beach and this walk in the woods.
I need to take more walks in the woods with my kids and my camera.

ps.  i don't think you need to move to Oregon to see beauty- it's everywhere.

i love this quote...

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." Marcel Proust

August 2011.


Favorite post-- I learned much from Anna's Pulling Teeth experience.
But, I loved learning- Singleness of Heart.

Sunday morning I read my favorite verses ever on the Sabbath day (Doctine and Covenants 59:9-13)...
i loved this reminder, "let thy food be prepared WITH SINGLENESS OF HEART" and later, "do these things with thanksgiving, with cheerful hearts and countenances... with a glad heart and a cheerful countenance." 
All day I tried to do whatever I was doing WITH SINGLENESS OF HEART.
Meaning, I wasn't always worried about everything that needed to get done.
I tried to just cheerfully do ONE thing, and have peace that it was enough.
We had a few friends over for dinner.  My kids spent the day doing uplifting, Sabbath things.  I worked hard.  And, I was happy.

Fun Crafts...
Primary chair covers

and this Subway quilt



September 2011.



i loved this post on Creation Cleaning.
Because the concept CHANGED MY LIFE.


i went to the temple one evening pondering strongly WHAT i could do to be a better homemaker.
my thoughts were directed to the creation.
As I was thinking about God organizing the worlds, the Spirit said to me very clearly...
Jen, it is important to organize/plan first.
Then I was thinking about God, separating the waters from the land.
The Spirit said, after you organize, cleanse.
By this time I was quite interested and I was thinking, organize, cleanse... i wonder what comes next.
And, next I almost laughed out loud.
The Spirit whispered to me, Organize, Cleanse, Then separate the LIGHT from the DARK... ahhh laundry!!
(That was my favorite creation/cleaning comparison.)
Fourth came plants/trees/bushes... food.
Fifth came BEASTS in all their variety...  friends/kids.
and Sixth came MEN... a day focused on my husband.
and of course, seventh was a day of rest.

October 2011.

This post, on SEASONS when Anna went to the plastic surgeon and found out she has to have more surgery, made me realize that things change, that we all have trials and that they are for a greater purpose.
on the way home, anna cried.
she said she wished she had died in the campfire.

i have never heard her say anything negative about her burned hand before.

it was healthy, and healing.

we talked a lot about trials in life.

how everyone, everyone has trials... and this is hers.

life is about learning and growing and being able to empathize and serve.

at the doctors we saw a boy with half of his face burned.
i said, he probably looked at anna and thought that she had a perfect life.

he might not know that she had been burned also.

and, because she had a burned hand, she could empathize with that boy a little more.

And this post on CHOOSING opened my eyes to not feeling bad for the UNDONE good things in my life.
I choose that good part continually, when I go from one good thing, to another good thing, without feeling guilty that I haven't already done every good thing!!

hah!

Did you catch that?

It is the key to happiness...

choosing that good part means that we are choosing.

choosing between many good things.

choosing that good part means that sometimes other good parts are left undone.

we can choose them later. 

when we walk with God, we are constantly choosing that good part.

and we never really sacrifice anything.

November 2011.

6th Grade Boy... i love it because i think all 6th Grade Boys are pretty much the same.  Weird but good.  :)
and, my grand YAWP to the world, I AM Christian and you don't get to decide.
My favorite?
Surfing from Drudgery to Joy.  I really FEEL this blog.  I'm not sure that anyone else understood what I was trying to say, but I can just feel that slight difference in my housework/mothering/lifework when I'm just under the water or just above.  There is joy to be found in excelling at the mundane.


I KNOW that there is MUCH JOY in the mundane daily tasks of life.
i am SO BLESSED to stay at home.  i am SO BLESSED to be a mother.
I believe you can find JOY whatever your circumstances are.
JOY is a choice.
SURF the waves, even when you feel like you are drowning.
We all feel that way.
The more you practice surfing, the more natural it will become.
I'm not sure when I stopped crying on my way home from the grocery store.
some days I still do.  some days I still hate the thought that all i have to do is CLEAN MY HOUSE again!
but, i know how to change my attitude... DO MORE.
When i make homemaking my hobby not just my duty, I am happy.
When cooking and cleaning is something that I CHOOSE to do, because i want to... I am happy.

December 2011.

I have loved learning A Mother's Prayer.
When I take time to pray over my kids I feel the power of prayer changing me and helpling me to love more.

i'm not sure what my children will grow up to be.

but, i know that they will face the world armed with a mother's prayer.

and i know, there is power in a mother's prayer.  

There is power in a Father's answer.
He is with us.

And, I loved the great quotes i learned pulling me out of my Christmas funk... Get Funky...
#4--  Remembering is EVERYTHING.
I was reminded again, that it is not my job to keep my house in order, raise my children, serve at Church, care for my extended family members, encourage my husband, etc., etc.  
It's not my job.
It's God's.
My job is to LISTEN to what He wants me to do and DO it.
I LOVE this quote from Elder Neal A. Maxwell... he is telling reasons why we become weary...
"First, we forget that while we work with others, we are working for Him!  Working for "them" can be very wearying.  Our naive insistence on seeing rapid results is intensified when we work for "them"; our expectations become unrealistic and, therefore, are not fulfilled.  This weariness is of our own making, real as it is.  But when we truly work for Him rather than for others, we will be less cluttered, less frantic-- and more effective.  We will also actually be more helpful to "them".  

Wow!  Looking back over my year I am humbled.
I have learned so much.
I have been abundantly blessed.
Re-reading these words I feel that they are part of me now.
I remember that each blog I wrote was a "discovery"... as I wrote, I was being taught.
Today, I read back over my year and I want to shout-- I TOTALLY KNOW THIS!!
Life is HARD... by design.
GROWTH is good.
There is JOY all along the way.
God knows us.  He is teaching us.  He is helping us.
MOTHERING is a grand tutorship.
Trials are grand teachers.
Today, I am taught and I am grateful for the journey.
Today I am still learning...
yup.
Life is good.

and now, on to 2012!!
tie your bonnet strings sisters, we are going to make it to Zion together...
(uphill both ways, in the snow, without shoes, smelling the flowers, while we sing...)

ps.  ugh.  i realized that when i click on the month in my side bar, it only shows me the last few entries.  i hate that.  so, to really see the blogs i've written i have to go one by one and push older post.  blah.  gotta figure that out.

pps.  todd,  um, sorry that i have no time to go grocery shopping or put away the Christmas tree... i've been, um, taking care of the kids all day!!

happy year!

oregon clam chowder.

 have you ever gone digging for clams?

 mmm?!!

 the master chef...

digging... cleaning... cooking... eating...
just another fun afternoon on the oregon shore.

sick-ish.

my two youngest have fevers.
lily says to me, "Mom, can i touch you?"
"Mom, can you put your foot down so I can sit on this side?"
"Mom, can you lay by me for a minute?"
"Mom, can you carry me?"
When i sit near her Lily squeezes my hand and says, "I love you best mom, because you're sitting right near me."
oh, sweet child of mine.

Last night she woke up from bed and came upstairs crying and feverish...
she said, "Mom, I feel like I bonked my head."
isn't that darling?
my sweet babies.

Little eve is like a baby monkey.
she just hangs on me, kissing me over and over with her wide open mouth.
her little fingers are pinchy... she likes to pinch my neck and my lips and my arms and my cheeks as she's falling asleep.

i made a deal with leah, if she doesn't get out of bed at night she doesn't have to take a nap the next day.
yesterday she didn't have to take a nap.
(oh how i missed it)
all morning long she kept re-checking with whispered sleuth "No nap today, right?"
then she would say out loud to Lily, "It's almost time for our nap Lil."
then she would whisper, "I'm going to get up after she falls asleep, right mom?"
when we were reading stories, i was holding eve and nursing her.
my not so cute tummy was sticking out the bottom of my shirt.
leah looked at my stomach and said in a disgusted voice, "Mom, your tummy..."
i raised my eyebrows.
she finished, "... is very beautiful.  You have a very beautiful tummy mom!!"
she makes me smile.

my christmas tree is still staring at me with a smile of victory on his face.
he has survived much longer than i would have liked.
BUT,
my babies need me near them.
and i LOVE being close enough to touch.

go Mitt!!  (8 votes??!!)
gotta run, i have a sweet, constant, "can i go on your lap, mom can i go on your lap, mom, i said i want to go on your lap, mom, you're not letting me go on your lap."

the couch is calling...

the dews.

from our balcony this morning.

At different times in my mothering I have found individual children more difficult to love.  Are mothers allowed to admit that?  Not just children, my husband, a friend, a co-worker, an extended family member...  My natural response when i feel my heart hardening is to press forward with grit and determination.  I will love this person.  I go through the motions of affection, I speak the words of affection and pray that my soul will be changed.  This has served me well.  There is a scripture that says, "Whosoever shall DO my will shall KNOW of my doctrine."  The principle is true... Act and you will be Filled.

However, at the start of this past Christmas vacation I was at a different place. I was struggling to love a particular child and I was tired of fighting past it.  I gave my hard heart to the Lord.  I told Him that I needed His help and I let it go.  I just was where i was.

I began to notice the change in small things.  Instead of seeing fault in everything my child did, I started noticing goodness and effort.  It was as if I had a small angel sitting on my shoulder pointing things out that I hadn't seen before.  It was natural and real, not forced.

I told you yesterday about the unsolicited parenting advice i received from my friend.  He told me, "Just don't worry about the small things."   Particularly he was referring to a battle I was having that night with Ellie.  Ellie comes home crying because people say she is fat.  She cries that she wears a bigger size than her older sister.  And when I see her with a plate overflowing with dessert my heart cringes.  I don't know what to say or how to react.  I feel like I need to help her eat healthily.  So, she spends the whole night asking for my dessert and I spend the whole night telling her she's had enough.  Dave said, "Let it go."  He told me that he had a few sons who were bigger around her age and they just grew out of it as they matured.  When I told him she cries about her weight he smiled and said that would be a good motivator for her to eat less sweets on her own... i didn't need to worry.  I don't tell this story to tell you exactly how to parent or to make it seem like I know the right way to parent.  I tell you this story to say, on that day Heavenly Father knew exactly what I needed to hear.  It was soothing to my soul.  It was soothing to my relationship.  I felt a peace where I had previously felt worry.  And, it came as the dews from Heaven (d&c 121:45)-- not because I was struggling to figure things out.

This morning I kissed my little one goodbye as she headed to the car.  She was happy.  She wasn't last.  Yes, she still left her lunch by the front door- again.  (I'm still waiting for her frantic phone call.)  She left a pile of muddy washcloths and a dirty knife and scraped off mud all over a folding card table in my computer room (she had to scrape her uggs so she could wear them to school).  I have muddy footprints all over my carpet.  She was wearing a silky dress shirt and black pants to school.  (forever fancy!)  She listened to scripture time on the floor where she was playing with Eve.  She didn't wear socks, but grabbed a pair to put on in the car.  Her bed wasn't made.  I'm not sure if her teeth were brushed.  (Maybe they were, because I found her jammies on the floor in the bathroom.)  But, as I kissed her goodbye I felt overwhelming love in my heart.  She is a mess, but she tried so hard this morning.  I saw it without even trying.  I FELT it.  She was up and dressed, not whining in her bed.  She did her hair, she made her lunch.  She didn't cry about muddy shoes, she just took care of it.  She is young.  She is trying.  She is good.  And, she is loved.  By Him and me...

Today, i love that girl more.  A LOT.  I want to praise her efforts and comfort her journey.  I don't feel burdened, I feel blessed.  I see my sacred stewardship and I am ready to handle her with care.

God blessed me.
God changed me.
God took my hard heart and made it squishy wet with love.

I am so grateful.

I read this sweet story and i thought of ME.  Sitting at my piano trying to pluck out a song.  Every day I am blessed with a Savior who puts His arms around me and makes my song beautiful.
I am so grateful.
And, I thought of HER.
My sweet child... plucking away at life.
she is encompassed in His arms too.
and He is teaching me how to love her more every day.
we are both plucking at the Master's piano.

President Faust tells a story of a young piano student.  His mother, wishing to encourage him, “bought tickets for a performance of the great Polish pianist, Paderewski. The night of the concert arrived and the mother and son found their seats near the front of the concert hall. While the mother visited with friends, the boy slipped quietly away.“Suddenly, it was time for the performance to begin and a single spotlight cut through the darkness of the concert hall to illuminate the grand piano on stage. Only then did the audience notice the little boy on the bench, innocently picking out ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.’

“His mother gasped, but before she could move, Paderewski appeared on stage and quickly moved to the keyboard. He whispered to the boy, ‘Don’t quit. Keep playing.’ And then, leaning over, the master reached down with his left hand and began filling in the bass part. Soon his right arm reached around the other side, encircling the child, to add a running obbligato. Together, the old master and the young novice held the crowd mesmerized.

“In our lives, unpolished though we may be, it is the Master who surrounds us and whispers in our ear, time and time again, ‘Don’t quit. Keep playing.’ And as we do, He augments and supplements until a work of amazing beauty is created. He is right there with all of us, telling us over and over, ‘Keep playing.’” 

^{James E. Faust October 1999 General Conference "What it Means to be a Daughter of God."}

I know that God answers prayers.
I know that we must LOVE MORE.
He doesn't just command us... he provides a way that we may accomplish the thing that He has commanded.
He changes us.
He is real.
I have felt His touch.
again.
and again.
I am born again.
and again.

oregon dews...

in small and simple ways are great things brought to pass.
just keep playing... (and praying.)
life is good.

thinking... again.

:: THINKERS::  i once heard a talk radio host receive a compliment.  he responded with a comment where he said something like, "don't think that i have it all together, i am really a tormented soul who is continually mulling over the world's problems.  i am haunted by all that i see that is in disarray.  talking on the radio is a form of therapy to me."  i related to that man.  i am a thinker and an analyzer.  most of the time my mental energy leads to goodness and growth.  sometimes, it leaves me thinking up at night trying to shut it off.  it is who i am... and i can relate to that poor tormented radio host.  :)

::  DREW::  drew is 10.  i love that kid.  the other day he was getting dressed and put on a pair of khaki cargo pants, i thought he had worn the same pants the day before.  i encouraged him to change and he said, "No Mom, i have two pair and they just look the same."  I said, "Drew, even if they're clean people will think you're wearing the same clothes."  He put on his corduroy jacket, buttoned it up and said confidently, "Mom, don't worry.  This is my STYLE!!"  Tonight at dinner he said, "When i grow up i'm going to do survival shows as my hobby."  (He loves man vs. wild and things like that.)  Today my kids spent the whole day coming up with their own languages.  It's cute.  Drew kept saying 'Drew Rocks' in his language.  (Todd doesn't like when the boys say arrogant things so he said if he heard them saying they were awesome they would have to clean my floor.)  i said in pig latin, "Drew Rocks at cleaning my floor."  The kids laughed.  i LOVE being a mom.

:: LILY::  we got new down comforters for the girls.  last night lily woke up all sweaty.  she came upstairs and said, "mom, my jammies are all wet because i was sleeping too long."  she's so cute.  this was her first week in primary with me... she has graduated from nursery to the 3 year old class.  the whole time she kept waving at me with her pointer finger.  love, love her.

:: WISE WORDS::  went to a friend's house tonight.  they are GREAT parents with great kids.  at the end of the night we were talking and the father said to me that if he had to do it over again he would love more and not sweat the small things.  he remembers fighting with a teenage son about shaving and keeping his hair short.  it was a big deal.  today he says, it shouldn't have been a big deal.  oh how my soul loved hearing that advice.  i really want to love more.  the relationship really is the most important.  thanks for the great reminder!!  i LOVE wise people.

:: REST::  last night i was exhausted.  i thought it was due to a baby that doesn't sleep, full holiday days, and lots of kids.  i put all my kids to bed early (by 6pm-- it is pitch black here by 5pm, and the older kids could read in their beds).  I straightened up and then spent the evening reading scriptures and inspirational talks.  I was planning a lesson for church this morning and i just felt so FED.  My note pad was overflowing with inspiration and ideas.  I have lots of ideas for blogs i want to write and goals i want to set and things i'm going to do different in my family.  My soul was filled.  And, I didn't get to bed early, my baby still woke up four times last night, but i felt RESTED.  oh, why do i forget that HE will give me rest.  Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and i shall give you rest... always.  He gives me rest.  i am grateful. 

:: HELLO FRIENDS!::  follow me here...  tonight, we went to our friend's house.  and, their Aunt Amy was visiting.  Amy said she has a friend in Canada who reads my blog.  Isn't that fun?!!  So, HELLO to Amy's friend in Canada!!  Nice to meet you.  Amy is amazing, huh?!  (She's a superstar artist.)  And, her brother's family-- i love them.  i want to be like them.  i would give them one of my children to raise for a few years.  seriously.  Amy said her Canadian friend has a large family and lives in a small town.  I loved learning that.  Isn't it fun having friends that you don't even know about?

:: COMMENTS::  i always wonder who reads my blog (besides grandma).  i'm sure there is a way to figure it out but i'm not technically savvy like that.  so, if you read and you want to say Hi and let me know how you found this blog, feel free.  i LOVE reading comments.  is it bad to admit that sometimes when i write a blog that i really care about i have to check back every few minutes to see if anyone else understands what i'm trying to say.  even though i like reading comments and meeting people who read this blog, i feel a bit lame admitting it. 

:: ONE MORE DAY::  my kids go back to school on Tuesday.  i had great plans to CLEAN UP Christmas tomorrow with everyone's help.  tonight after family prayer we were just laughing and talking and i was still mulling over the wise advice i had received and i knew...  i have one more day.  one more day to love them up.  to be a fun mom.  to build the relationship.  tomorrow, maybe we'll put away Christmas.  maybe, i'll do my month grocery trip.  but maybe, maybe i'll spend the day just enjoying them and loving them and playing with them and letting them know that one person in this world thinks they are great.  we'll see.

:: GIRLS CAMP::  i've been a leader of youth for years.  Cub Scouts, Seminary, Young Women and now Primary.  I'm really good at teaching and leading and having fun with kids.  I'm positive and funny and can keep things in perspective.  at home, sometimes i am the strict, nagging, disciplinary mother.  sometimes i am two different people-- the fun girls camp, seminary teacher and the strict, disappointed mother.  i want to be the GIRLS CAMP leader mother.  is that possible?  i want to be fun and funny and inspiring and cool-- with MY kids, not just other people's kids.  just saying.

:: FOOLISH::  today i was teaching about the wise man and the foolish man.  we talked about how you build your house on a rock and how you build on the sand.  you know when you teach something that you don't know and you're like, "Wow, that's really neat."  And you know that you were inspired.  Well, that happened to me.  I said something like, "Nobody ever WANTS to build their house on sand.  Building on the sand happens when we don't look for the rock.  When we aren't purposefully trying to build on the rock, our house ends up being built on the sand."  We talked about how you can build your day on the sand... when you wake up and get dressed and start your day.  You have to consciously CHOOSE to build on the ROCK by starting your day with prayer and scriptures.  i LOVE that idea.  BUILDING ON THE ROCK takes deliberate CHOICE.  You don't have to choose to build on sand.

:: PRAYER::  i heard a great talk on prayer today.  i specifically liked two quotes.  1.  don't pray like you are ordering a pizza.  2.  When i pray, i imagine that i am climbing a marble staircase and kneeling before my Maker.  loved those images.  tonight i'm going to pray better.  AND, todd and i have gotten lazy in our night time couple prayer.  tonight we're going to be better.

::  KINDNESS::  in another talk, a sweet sister told of her aunt that was in a coma for a few weeks.  just prior to her death she was conscious enough to talk for a short time.  while her family was around her she spoke of seeing her husband, who had passed on before.  she said, "BE KIND TO EACH OTHER, EVEN MORE THAN YOU ARE NOW."  Shortly after that she passed away.  i love that thought.  i want it stitched across my forehead.

::  THANK YOU!!::  my sweet, bloggy friend, Heather sent me the quote-- "TIE ON YOUR BONNET, SISTER. WE'RE GOING TO MAKE IT TO ZION!"  I have it in my kitchen and smile every time i read it.  Thanks Heather (if you even made it through this random post).  i love heading to Zion with all of you!

:: HOME::  my mother in law told me that she used to have a quote hanging in her kitchen that said, "Home- where you grumble the most and are treated the best."  i want that hanging in my kitchen too...  and i HOPE it is true.  i hope my kids are treated the best at home. 

that's all my ramblings. 
i'm committing myself to a more refined blog this year.
more editing.
more thoughtful entries.
less complaining.
less rambling.

it's January first and i'm only one post behind.  :)
tomorrow i'll be more refined in my posting. 
promise.  i hope.
happy new year!!

grandpa.

when i was growing up i was blessed to live near five of my grandparents.
even though my mom's parents were divorced, we still managed to see both grandparents most holidays.
my grandfather is great.
in his younger days he reminded me of Ken-- the dark haired ken.
today i love his gray haired pony tail and small diamond earring.
grandpa taught me how to socialize in a group.
he is happy and outgoing and i never feel uncomfortable sitting down and visiting even after months apart.
i have many fond memories of him plucking his ukulele and singing fun songs with us.
somehow, whenever we get together for the holidays i have to gather everyone for songs!

my grandfather just emailed me this link to a song he used to sing-- Casey Jones.
This song, along with "I've been working on the railroad" sure bring me back to the past...
love it.

thanks gramps!!